365 days ago my world crashed down around me... the world as I knew it ceased to exist anymore. My best friend, my mentor, my rock, my center of support, my grandmother passed away very unexpectantly.
365 later, I look back at how my life has changed. How much I have had to learn to be independent of someone I had been so dependent on for 26 years. I still feel like there is a very wide gorge in my heart that will never be filled in and that I will never be completely whole again. But in this past year, I have learned how to turn to my parents for support and to believe in myself.
365 days have past, and yet it feels so new to me, it is as if I am hearing the news for the first time. I woke up in tears just a week ago from a dream that I was at my grandma's funeral... A day doesn't go by that I want to call my grandma, a day doesn't go by that I don't want to stop at her house to chat and sit on the porch swing. A day doesn't go by that I don't wish I could just have one more day with her to tell her how much I really did love her and how much she really meant to me. A day doesn't go by that I don't wish that she had actually sat down and took the time to write how what she wanted us to do with her belongings... so that my dad and uncle wouldn't be in the middle of a battle field when it comes to the sentimental items that we cherished the most.
Alberta Mae Perkins Barnes, born July 10, 1930 and left us to be with her heavenly family Oct. 6, 2006. She was a well respected woman loved by all that met her. I was so blessed to have her in my life for the 26 and a half years that she was here. I consider myself lucky to have had a close relationship with my grandmother. I had something that most children don't have with their parents, let alone their grandparents. I know that my grandma is looking down on me from heaven and that she is happy. I know that she wouldn't want me to be sitting here on my bed crying. She would be sitting with me on my bed holding me and telling me that it would be all right that I would see her when I get to heaven.
Here is what I wrote about my grandmother when I wrote her life story for her funeral.
Alberta was born Alberta Mae Perkins on July 10, 1930 to Edwin Fritz and Velma Perkins in Hartsburg, Missouri. After the passing of her mother, she was raised by her grandma Perkins. She spent her summers with her father, step-mother, and two brothers, Virgil and Bob. In high school, she enjoyed spending time with her friends, going dancing, listening to big band music, going to the local store to get a soda. When needed, Alberta chose to get a job to help her family instead of finishing school; she did receive her diploma through a correspondence program. Later, Alberta moved to St. Louis, MO where she worked in a sewing factory. In 1952, she met and married her husband, Aurben Cordell (A.C). They were married August 3, 1953 in Kansas City.
They moved to Tulsa after their marriage where they started their family with the addition of Alan in 1955 and the next addition of James in 1957.
When the boys were growing up, Alberta was active in every part of their lives. She participated in PTA at Kendall Elementary, was a den mother while the boys were in Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts, and was the neighborhood mom. She managed to raise Alan and James to adulthood despite their best efforts to not reach adolescence. The boy’s friends knew that they were welcome at the Barnes home at any time. At one point, Alberta received the nickname of “the Beast” from some of the boys that hung out at the house. Not only did she raise her own children, she contributed to the upbringing of many other children in the neighborhood and in the homes of the people for whom she worked.
In 1978, Alberta officially became a grandmother when Duane joined the family. Then in 1980, she was blessed with her first granddaughter, Tracey Lynn.
Duane and Tracey were her pride and joys until Jamie, Sister, and Joseph came along to share the spotlight.
She made many of the dresses that Tracey wore as a child, as well as other clothes for her and Duane. She also made extravagant costumes for all of the grandkids for various performances. The grandkids had a variety of ways of getting Alberta’s attention, she would respond to Grandma Alan, MaAlan, Grandma Barnes, great Grammy, and even Bertie. Her passion for classic movies rubbed off on the grandkids, as well as her love for big band, barber shop quartets, and 40’s music. She was always very supportive of her grandchildren, and would drop what she was doing to attend a school play, sporting event, recital, church service or to take them to an event. She made sure that the grandchildren were exposed to many different cultures and other life experiences. Tracey remembers going to the Tulsa Little Theater for every production for several years, then latergoing to the PAC and TU theater productions. Going to a theater production was a special outing and a reason to get dressed up.
Later, Alberta enjoyed the blessing of seeing her great grandchildren grow and mature. Misti, Syrina, and McKenzie loved going to great grandma Alan’s house while spending time with their Grammy and Papa. It was a treat for the girls to come to Grandma Alan’s house to play and to sew. Alberta loved all of grandchildren and great grandchildren.
In Tulsa, Alberta attended Harvard Avenue United Methodist Church, where she was active in just about every aspect in the running of the church. If there was something that needed to be organized, run, or finished at the church, Alberta was the go-to gal. She has coordinated the Sunday School program, Vacation Bible School, United Methodist Woman programs, Mother-Daughter Banquets, and even coordinated costumes for the annual Christmas programs at various times. Alberta was very active in the church, if the doors were open; she was there regardless of how she felt.
In her spare time, between church functions and her family, Alberta enjoyed reading books, working on her cross stitch projects, making quilts, sewing and making alterations, ironing, playing cards, and watching her soap operas. She always had several books going at once and could keep each story separate. At any given time, one could find Alberta working on one craft project or another; she made both of her sons Christmas stockings as well as all five of her grandchildren. She also cross stitched birth announcements for many special children in her life. Another of Alberta’s specialties was making alterations to formal dresses and every day clothes for her grandchildren and great grandchildren.
As a child of the Great Depression and growing of age during the Second World War, her penchant for attention to details and finishing what she started was firmly rooted in her personality. These qualities played in all of her actions through out her life. Her cooking skills were also honed during this time. Her agricultural background allowed her to be able to take the simplest ingredients and make them seem as sufficient a meal as the Thanksgiving or Christmas meal. She was known especially for her much requested angel food cake, green beans, fried chicken, and her notorious scotcheroos.
Alberta will be remembered by all as being supportive, a listening ear to hear the good and the bad stories, easy going, helpful of others, all-knowing, dedicated, loyal, faithful, dependable, patient, loving, a leader, and always being right. She has been credited with the teaching of others to complete household tasks such as ironing, dusting, cooking, sewing, amongst other life skills. She had a knack for keeping in contact with her family near and far, as well as her friends from her childhood. The boys remember that Alberta never learned to ride a motorcycle despite the numerous lessons from them and A.C. In recent years, Alberta received her driver’s license and started driving after many years of being a passenger.
She has gone on to heaven to meet her Lord and Savior as well as to enjoy being with her family and friends that have preceded her in death.
I know I can't live in the past that I have to live for today and for the future... I have to keep the memory of my grandmother alive by doing the things for my nieces that she did for me... to remind my nieces of what their great grandma Alan was all about. It is alright to remember my grandma and to smile and even shed a tear - but I can't live in the past and live with regrets...
Here's to 365 more days of my life and my future and remembering my grandma.
